when you make it through

it’s satisfying when you make it through the spiked ground once dreaded. i remember staring at the beginning of the semester wondering how i’d complete it. the homework, that’s one part, but more basically the extended hodgepodge of days. surviving for four months is mind-blowing. especially when existential is your middle name.

even just this weekend, i longed for the doctor’s appointment occurring tomorrow for an evaluation of medication performance. we may have to return to the drawing board, but at least the moment is on the other side of tonight’s nightmares.

we often have to wait for help. that stretch stuffed with unknown, worrisome thought loops enacts quite the toll on patience and stability. so own some pride and accomplishment when arriving at a destination a long time coming. the reward of new beginnings was earned.

of course, we ought to consider the aftermath. is there a post-birth low ebbing in after our goals have passed? or are we invigorated by the plans we’ve pushed into motion? following vacation, i’m usually refreshed at work. the compact hiatus rubs wonders into mental focus. and it’s not only trips and holidays. the wider gamut of revitalization lives when we live. i’ve come to understand if i’m walking the road paved with my heart’s blood, fatigue is faced less and less. lazy and bored fade from my lexicon of adjectives, stepped on by purpose and vision.

why don’t we all follow our inner pulls? in a utopia, wouldn’t we all have the opportunity to transform from an average civilian to a unique character of self-understanding? imagine the joy that would sprout like a field of roses if everyone had the space to spread their roots. more than happiness, world peace would be at our fingertips, for anger dissipates in the midst of creation. i’m at my calmest when i’ve set aside hours to write, create music, draw, and photograph.

how are your caretaking skills treating you? road rage and irritation will be awarded gold every olympics if you don’t counteract their training with a regimen of your own performance-enhancing cocktails. instead of calculating critical analyses of the resources necessary to begin, bootstrap funds and kickstart. there’s an investment of energy swimming beneath the surface, crying out for release. jump in the sea and swim with the tides too often ignored. even if it’s for five minutes, role-play destiny and see your personas fold into one unstoppable swell of nature.

sidestepping further motivational statements, i’m grateful to be less than 24 hours away from readings on my blood pressure. three days ago, this short journey was an illusion of the pacific coast trail. we are born with the power to manipulate time; focusing too intensely on a future destination drags the feet of the present. however, when i place calendars on the shelf and take advantage of an open weekend to explore and release the deltas inside, accelerated seconds tick by to the tempo of a bee’s wings. soon enough, i’m playing checkers on the finish line.

i can’t be certain about my endurance in relation to life expectancy. what i have internalized is the optimism generated by our spirited hamsters. if i can remember to feed them, they’ll keep the lights on for me.

– D K T 


life ends. why pretend

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