stabbed with a white flag

declaring surrender, in any respect, can be utterly humiliating. all that effort gets washed down the drain, leaving you dry as a raisin. then there’s the questioning and doubt cascading into a downpour of poor ratings. we rarely write movies ending in a loss. this is a reflection of our own outlook on life.

recently, i’ve given up (at least temporarily) learning the violin. it’s a bitter end, especially since i understood the long odds that were existent from the beginning. i cast down all doubt in favor of my potential, and was critically incorrect in my assumptions.

so trembling in the aftermath of a nuclear drop on self-assurance, what dangerous challenges lie ahead? or is the hardship my fiction, making easygoing true reality.

deception is no stranger. it breaks into my house at night to steal pieces of my worth, finding new entrances each time. how to stop the evils on the outside from possessing your household of ceasefire? the sudden surprise of a letdown is becoming boring from repetition.

a rusted flagpole with forged, spiked ends is piercing through the empty space between itself and flecked skin. in this moment before the destruction, do we have the courage to attempt a redirect? if we miss, the pain may be worse. but if we succeed in setting new coordinates for the urban arrow, we avoid unnecessary pain.

more bluntly, these crushing judgements can be defended through a calm awareness. if you see the trajectile before impact, then there’s a sliver of golden opportunity. context may help.

i prioritized photography. set goals to carry my camera around throughout the day, prepared for any shot.

i haven’t taken a picture with that camera in a week. chose to send it back to Canon to fix the flash. so right there is the disparity between my objectives and actual performance. it’s harder to wrangle than one might imagine. once again i’m postponing the effort necessary to grow as an artist, even though evolution is one of the most important factors in the creative industry. to be declining the alternative of positive trends for the degradation similar to a used car compared to its newer sibling is to betray the nature of our brain. we learn through reinforcement, but here i am, punishing myself enough to enforce a destructive habit.

there’ve been a multitude of novels recommended to me by my mom on this subject. how do we handle failure? from a business perspective, the entrepreneurial spirit can drive a company upward like a rocket. would it be wrong to point out a symbolic difference between that sector and the creations personally assembled? that contrast between being a handler and a pioneer?

there’s a heavy investment infused into our prototypes. it’s all a game of energy transfer. when people send good energy, to put it simply, it ups productivity. but when the comments dip toward another direction, it detracts from the total. our originals aren’t made from feedback, but those responses can boost the support necessary to then be highly vulnerable during the experimentation process. with that perk, producing feels even more electrifying.

so when (not a question of if) stabbed with a white flag, first verify its your own. then rip it out, staple stitches, and prepare yourself for the next thrust. gravity will return to its reign; i’m pinned to my shoulder blades while failure holds the upper hand. and it’s not alone.

hopefully i’ll learn.

– D K T


life ends. why pretend

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: