watermarks faded in front of my eyes today. the quick displacement from the air wicked them away from the windshield seconds at a time. it was then that i realized how strikingly similar this process was to the passage in our own lives. the moments are richly penetrating, then quietly peel away from the tunnel toward darkness. it made me recollect on experiences shared ages ago with friends, families, and other significants. i ached from a deep cramp of memory muscle tormented by spent blood. and this is not as pitied as it is celebrated, since sacrifice is often mutually beneficial to both parties.

like watching the time lapse of an existence, pools of water were stripped into smaller ponds and even tinier puddles. like short-term encoding, the present moment is filtered through a colander, leaving behind the larger chunks while particulate debris fall through to be collected. why are years of relationships packaged into a microscopic thunderstorm slim enough to fit into a blade of grass? when i lived through it, it was as expansive as our own universe.

cups of water shrank to teaspoons, and soon the streaks too said their goodbyes and rushed sideways out the door into dissolution with oxygen and nitrogen. there i drove, recognizing this phenomenal continuum of acceleration in both directions.

maybe the version of the past i carry is embellished and exaggerated. it could be historical fiction; generalities are properly retrieved but the nitty gritty quirks of personality are a product of my current mind. if correct, what a disastrous hazard that is, ready to shatter core beliefs in an instant. imagine being told childhood wasn’t the magical city you thought it was. or learning a friendship was never one at all. or that love was abused, grabbed for a ride, and assaulted while you were drugged to hallucinations of normalcy. this is no elementary curse on a foe; these ill wishes can obliterate identity.

if betrayal is sporadically expected, you bet there’ll be doubts and revisions working to molest original thoughts. solid links melt like ice, leaving less than they held in the first place. and they’re weaker, losing form, shape, and structure. the span of my neural railroad network erupts in disarray as my conscious shifts into a lateral viewpoint to accommodate the monsters beneath the box mattress.

to expand this outward, this personal observation does not jump to assume the collective of humankind is equal in dragging this burden. some of us mitigate change and quick pivots as routine obstacles, somehow counteracting from proper experience without splitting under pressure. but for the digits of those lucky few, exponentiate it to account for wandering shells who are emptied out by the demand of survival around them. there’s an infinite count of worlds habitating pockets of space. resources are limited.

it’s cynically ironic that i struggle with an instinctual makeover of prior events. my attempt to extrapolate the positives, in actuality, coordinates an even higher threat of sabotage. distorted perceptions amplify to a stadium of screaming voices when truth comes out to play.

to sport the safe route, savor the beauty of our cosmos reversing its big bang into the tight corners of gray matter. but prepare your suit before the reckoning bursts outwards from a divine key unlocking compartmentalizations. truth is shielded by traps.

– D K T

Published by dktindepth

life ends. why pretend

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