running behind

i recently began writing out mini-schedules to abide by during the productive hours of a day. the results are surprisingly positive. i’m able to be more present and repel the existential thoughts of reassurance. the task at hand takes up attention while the timer silently ticks to zero. it’s almost like giving up a sense of control for total immersion in my surroundings. i don’t need to fret over the several tasks demanding focus. if they’re included in the time table, they quiet down and patiently wait their turn.

it’s addicting enough to open up a void of want for structure when i’m in a pasture of possibilities. waking up without any plan of attack against a stretch of sunlight incites stress and hiccups of panic. once priorities are aligned and laid out in a journal, however, i seem to settle into the responsibility of being alive for a little longer.

to breathe and move is one set of behavior. to soak in the nuances of a world filtered through a spiderwebbed conscious is an entirely different class of action. i can twist a doorknob, pound cement, and cry from gusts of wind. but did i smell the scattered plant life, absorb the rumbling semis, and continue the lacing of observations to identity?

it’s rare to be perfect. even more so to be perfect and hold on to it for longer than a moment. therefore, there’s no expectation to flip on six senses and melt into an energy field. but that reward lures me with the faintest remembrances of our past encounters. when clarity cuts through fog, and visibility is measured by not how far, but how much is available, our massive meteor of resources shrinks to a ball the size of my palm. it’s with this grounded focus that i’m able to enact my destiny, not the other way around.

as a free spirit, lists and reminders may feel like a retraction from zero gravity. i assure you they are not. by transcribing the cognitive inconveniences that are time-sensitive responsibilities, the memorized prose can fade from our RAM storage. as our organic CPU clears its cache and frees up space, it readies itself for the real-world challenge of progress. it’s an interrogation that warms up to friendliness and companionship, which some would say is impossible.

texture, no matter how intensely we pray, will never portray solidity or transparency. it’s always a value on the spectrum between the two. planning ahead will not grant a prophet’s purpose, but it will help ease the fear of failure, whose allergy is the first step. i implant my goals into papyrus like a taunting press release. the project has broken ground and the sacred black hole of nerves lose their cohesive, webbed front.

one slight recommendation would be to check off activities as you go. remind your awareness of the overarching theme behind the day, while also reaping a steady influx of completion as each mark is ticked off. if you’re running behind, become your maker and edit the genome of your day. it’s this forward-moving control that electrifies static to kinetic.

look at that. it’s past time i migrate.

– D K T


life ends. why pretend

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