what can’t be done

the scope of human ingenuity and willpower is as expansive as our conceived spectrum of light. from a budget-friendly-but-still-sounds-nice speaker to cloning, we’ve made massive advancements in most fields of interest (can’t speak to alchemy or witchcraft — maybe for the best?). if you take a moment to reflect on your own accomplishments, at any time in your life, you’ll realize the harsh obstacles you overcame, possibly with teammates.

that’s all fair and well. what about the split-second understanding that something isn’t going to work?

there are those who fight, and those who resign to the natural course of defeat. we all lose eventually, but the brave who choose to exalt their last breath with a slow swing of a damaged shoulder treasure an incorruptible spirit. they see the odds, acknowledge their presence, and row onward, leaving their anchors splashing in the icy waters of discouragement.

it’s quite the honorary lifestyle. what about the times when our heroes break, and stay down?

what about the instances where you fracture and leave the bone limp?

what about the valleys below sea level, where i’ve excavated holes-turned-bunkers?

as inspirational as motivational productions are, the lion filled with too much courage is quickly assessed and strategized against. the bluntness of human spirit is, comically, all too pure and naive for the civilization we’ve built, or for my pessimistic, selfish brain. i’m not blaming society for its problems. i’m a dilemma myself.

it’s challenging for me to accept the bounds of possibility. momentum comes and goes like a northeast blizzard; when it’s raging on, i feel compelled to tackle the assorted list of personal obligations. this excludes the commitments shared with spatially similar people. these are intense, level ten, let’s-do-one-hundred-push-ups kinds of longing. music, writing, and photography are creative enough to be categorized with these elites. their inherent passion and romance transform them from dictionary words on an itinerary to formidable adversaries. it’s because i love them that they require the full arsenal of determination.

tragically, within this metaphorical frenzy of belief, one comes to realize the boundaries of time. as it slinks by, silently counting in its head, we continue on, assuming the present moment is eternal. after all, what’s put into motion stays in motion.

until an equal force stops it, which is an effortless task for the cycle of mental exertion. i get tired. i go hungry. cottonmouth arises. boredom infects.

logic, analytically speaking, guides me to the obvious diagnosis. i’m the problem. i should scale down my view on productivity. i forget to be mindful. i’d benefit from streamlining my processes. i care incessantly about the details. the greatest projects demand consistency and patience.

the gripe i express in response to those answers concerns their focus; it’s everywhere except the actual task. my failures recommend i improve the landscaping and leave the architecture for another week. days pass while i meditate, storyboard, and let things go. the road to success has turned into a suburban network of skinny roads and thinner driveways.

while the insides of those houses are, no doubt, extravagantly beautiful, my dream home sits empty in the wilderness.

– D K T


life ends. why pretend

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